I'm sitting here, and I am hurting today. Now as I tell you this... I don't want pity. I have learned to take pleasure in pain because it is simply a signal that a truth is stirring and I must wake up to find it. And usually for me waking up means letting go of a belief.
That's what happened today because I found a little girl who can't understand why she didn't deserve to have a "daddy" in this lifetime. It hit me this morning that I will never call any man "daddy". It hit me how significant that role is to any girls development and life. All these years I had denied that significance in order to forge ahead. The motto has always been, "Nothing can stop me" and "NEVER let them see you sweat".
The worst part was... I had no one to blame... no one to throw this pain to and say, "YOUR FAULT". But this pain did expose areas of immaturity in my relationships accompanied with unreasonable expectations. It explains why when I hear the sweet voice of my daughter call her father "daddy" my heart cries with joy and pain all at once. And it did explain my incompleteness. Yes, this Virgo woman is incomplete. What a horrifying but fulfilling admittance.
This is the void I will have to reconcile without blaming two men, my father and step father, who did the best they could. And no... sometimes our best is NOT good enough, but... the capacity of the human heart and the Great Spirit that breathes within it... makes it all... well.
Smith also used her show The Red Table Talk to address her relationship with her father even further and finding forgiveness.
0 Comments
Before you comment remember...
1. Don't be rude!
2. Stay on topic of the post. If you don't stay on topic, either state "off-topic" or your comment will be deleted.
3. If you want to ask an off-topic question and don't see the proper post for it, please e-mail me about it.
4. Don't spam or promote your blog or service. Please e-mail me if you'd like an add to my blog list or need for me to update your blog's URL. If your blog is similar in subject to mine, you will be added to the list.